


innocence lost

by izadreamer



Series: Internal Tangles [2]
Category: Tangled (2010), Tangled: The Series (Cartoon)
Genre: Anger, Betrayal, Character Study, During Canon, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hatred, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Loss of Parent(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 14:52:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14875859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izadreamer/pseuds/izadreamer
Summary: Varian’s father has been encased in the amber, and Varian is spiraling down.





	innocence lost

**Author's Note:**

> This story fills in the missing time between Varian finding his father and swearing his revenge during Queen for a Day. Varian is… such an interesting, complex character. I don’t know if I captured him accurately, but I gave it my best shot.

By the time Varian reaches his house, the sun has set and the storm has become a monster.

Wind and ice beat at his face, his skin so cold he barely feels the sting. His door is stuck fast by snow, and the first few times Varian tries to open it, his hand slides from the doorknob and the door stays stubbornly shut.

Gritting his aching teeth, Varian shoves at the door with his shoulder, the wind roaring at his back. The sheer cold of the storm has frosted the entryway of his home, and Varian practically falls through the doorway, the relative warmth of his house hitting him like a slap to the face. His breaths rasp in his throat, stinging from hours of breathing in the icy air. His arms shake when he throws the door shut behind him, trembling so bad he can barely move them. The warmth sends painful tingling all along his skin.

“Dad,” he tries to say, but the cold has stolen his voice and he has to cough before he can talk. He reaches for the laboratory doors, nearly tripping in his haste. “Dad, Dad, I’m back, the princess refused to help, but—”

Varian’s world goes still.

For a moment, he doesn’t understand what it is he’s seeing. The image—the truth—simply cannot register. Reality twists on a focal point, his vision tunneling, his heart pounding loud in his ears and a tremble starting in his hands. Everything else—the cold, the raging storm, the sting of betrayal—it is all gone, eclipsed by something far greater, by something far, far worse.

“…Dad?”

Gold, golden amber, glowing with a soft internal light, rising up like some twisted masterpiece. Beautiful, terribly beautiful, and awful, too, because inside—inside the amber—

“Dad, Daddy, Dad—no—”

Varian cannot breathe. His makeshift staff has slipped free from his numb fingers, clattering down on the stone. The purple beaker breaks and liquid spills out on the worn cobblestone—Dad will be upset about that—

No, he won’t, because Dad is—

“ _ Dad,” _ Varian says, or maybe shrieks, and runs forward. 

His fist hits the amber and glances off just as quickly, no cracks, not even a resonance. His fingers ache. He hits again, again,  _ again, _ and doesn’t even realize he’s screaming until pain spasms in his throat, cutting him short and sending him to his knees, one hand grasping at his neck. The other presses hard against the amber, pushing futilely at the unmoving crystal.

“No, no, no…”

His dad is in there.  _ Dad is in there. _ How long—how long has it been since Varian left for the capital city to get help? Six hours on foot to the castle, but Varian made it in three, but it took him four to get back—seven hours in total—

His thoughts stutter, start, falter, rewind. Like a broken machine, gears grinding, shattered chainlinks and insides screwed up beyond repair, struggling to work, only pushing itself closer to destruction. His dad is in the amber, and Varian—Varian was not here. Varian had left. His Dad had said, “No, son, don’t,” and—

_ Typical, _ Varian thinks suddenly, hysterically, his shoulders trembling,  _ so typical _ . The last thing his dad had ever said to him and it was, again, a denial.

_ “No, son, don’t—” _

Oh, but God, if only Varian had listened. Maybe Dad was right all along, because he’d said that about the rocks too— _ “Don’t, Varian,”— _ and now—and  _ now— _

But… no, that’s not right, is it? It’s not Varian’s fault,  _ it can’t be his fault _ . He just wanted to help his village, he just wanted to  _ save them _ . There’s nothing wrong with that, is there? Nothing wrong, nothing at all. It’s not his fault. If only his dad had told him _ why… _

Why? Why had Dad lied to the king? Why had he lied to the other villagers? Why had he lied to  _ Varian? _ Weren’t they a family? Weren’t they all each other had? “Not ready,” but who was he to decide that? Their village was  _ dying!  _ If only his dad had talked to him, if only he’d told the truth, then he’d never have been—

His hands lift to his hair, tangle in the strands, tug harsh enough to hurt. His teeth are clenched so hard it aches. A high-pitched whine, a scream cut short, claws its way free from his throat.

_ No,  _ Varian thinks, over and over until the word runs together in a meaningless mantra.  _ No, no, no, no no no, NO!   _ It can’t be, Varian can’t think those things. He is awful for thinking that, he’s a terrible son. It’s not his dad’s fault, because Dad is dead, you can’t speak ill of the dead…

His dad is dead. Or—could be dead. Amber, unbreakable, no air or food or water or—but preservation, maybe, maybe maybe—but if— if his Dad is dead—

His thoughts are a broken record, but even if Varian’s in pieces, he is still an alchemist, still logically-minded to a fault. The broken pieces revolve around his head, sharp edges drawing blood, leading him to the terrible conclusion:

Varian has killed his dad.

For a moment, the world halts. Everything stops. The storm, Rudiger, Varian’s own hitching sobs—everything fades away. His eyes are wide, staring, empty. He stops breathing. His hands still. It is as if the world has ended.

And then, just as quickly as he froze, Varian breaks. He takes the truth and he locks it away, buries it in the corners of his mind. For the first time in his life, Varian does not believe in the logical conclusion.

“Dad isn’t dead,” Varian whispers to himself, to the stone. What a stupid thought that was, how foolish Varian is being. His Dad isn’t dead and Varian didn’t kill him, and it  _ isn’t Varian’s fault.  _ He just wanted to save his village. He just…

He is faltering, falling, tripping over his own mind. His fingers dig into the amber, the unyielding stone grinding at his nails.

“Not my fault,” Varian whispers. It’s not his fault, and it’s not Dad’s fault, and so—

So it must be Rapunzel’s.

How did Varian not see it before? It is Rapunzel, all Rapunzel. She is the one to blame. She must be. Rapunzel, who promised to help him; Rapunzel, who turned him away. 

How could she do that? How  _ dare  _ she? She promised! She promised, and now his Dad is trapped, and it’s her fault,  _ all her fault _ . If she’d come with him then, Varian could have returned faster, maybe soon enough to make a difference. She could have used her connection with the rocks to break the amber and free his father—she could have helped him—but she didn’t. 

She didn’t.

It’s not his fault. It’s her fault, it must be, because nothing else makes sense. No-one else to blame, but her, who has betrayed him. Who has left Varian’s dad to suffocate and Varian himself in the cold.

Finally,  _ finally _ , Varian calms. He stands, hand pressed against the amber. Gold, like the sun, like the sunlight, like a Sundrop Flower.

“They’re going to pay,” Varian whispers, “I promise, Dad, I’ll get to the bottom of this. I’ll get you out.”

It’s not betrayal, after all, not if Rapunzel betrayed him first. It is justice.

“They’ll pay,” Varian promises, “Anyone who’s ever stood in my way, they’ll all pay.”

It’s not his fault. It’s not his fault, and so it must be theirs—and Varian will never forgive them for it.

**Author's Note:**

> [Link to Rec and Reblog?](http://izaswritings.tumblr.com/post/174682588992/title-innocence-lost-synopsis-varians-father) Also, if you have any questions or just want to talk, [my tumblr](http://izaswritings.tumblr.com) is always open!!
> 
> Any thoughts?


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